A day in the life of a mother

This blog is about a day in the life of a frum (orthodox Jewish) mother with small children.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Baruch Dayan Emes

Baruch dayan emes. My grandmother passed away today at 11:25 am. My dad had asked me to find a rabbi to come to her bedside yesterday. I phoned my rabbi who told me to call chabad. after an hour of phone calls, and getting all answering machines, I got ahold of an actual person, who told the rabbi of my situation, and without even knowing me in person, but only through voice, he arranged for a Lubavitch rav to come to my grandmother. He said Vidui for her, and a few other prayers. She coded last night 3 times, and then this morning the hospice team came down with her two doctors to make a decision. The rabbi had said it was okay to let her go,, as the doc had mentioned yesterday about no more resuscitation. so the doctor shut off the ventilator this morning, as she had only brain stem activity, and her blood pressure was 60/23, and at one point was like 40/20. she was cold to the touch, non responsive to any stimuli. She passed away very peacefully shortly after the ventilator was shut off. I miss her more than anything. Always appreciate the loved ones you have here on earth. you never know when time is up. I can't even go to the funeral. I can't afford the flight, my family also can't afford the flight. It upsets me that my aunts and dad are waiting to sunday for the funeral, instead of the one or two days you are supposed to bury someone. it was my eldest aunt's decision, and she is quite bossy and controlling. My dad and my other aunt are trying to speak with her, but its too late as my aunt already booked the date. My eldest aunt had converted to born again christianity a long time ago but seems respectful of Judaism, but she wants to play music at the funeral which is very disrespectful and inappropriate. I am sure the Jewish funeral home will not allow this and I told my dad he should tell her they do not play music at Jewish funerals. In fact someone who loses a parent is supposed to refrain from listening to music for 11 months. I know my dad and extended family is not frum, but still. I tried to arrange for my dad to have someone say kaddish for my grandma for 11 months after shiva is over but I can't afford it, its 600 dollars. My rabbi told me to have my dad contact someone in Florida to try to arrange it. I am not sure if he will or not..my rabbi told me its my dad's mitzvah and it has to be him to arrange this.

Anyway, I feel very upset and am going out now. I will post more later.



  • At 5:01 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. My she rest in peace. It must be so difficult for you to be so far away and feeling disconnected to the whole thing.

    I'm surprised at your Aunt who converted that she would play music and all at the funeral. I'm Christian and we are not allowed to do that BUT I am Caucus Christian and we follow a more conservative/traditional path.

    Even if she did convert she should put asside her own beliefs to observe and respect your Aunts and your extended family. Just my thoughts. I hope things go smoothly.

    Peace be with you.


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