A day in the life of a mother

This blog is about a day in the life of a frum (orthodox Jewish) mother with small children.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Memories of Grandma


I am having such a hard time. I miss her so much. My heart is broken that I can not attend the levaya in Florida on Sunday to say goodbye and have some closure. I am upset that my grandma is in a Jewish funeral home that is not frum, with no one saying tehillim for her to comfort her neshama. She is not having a traditional Jewish burial. there won't be a shroud for her and I don't even know if her casket will be pine. At least my dad convinced my eldest aunt to have a closed casket ,and no music. I know my family is not frum, but it hurts me to see these things being done that I know is just not the right way. My dad and my other, more normal aunt will be saying kaddish at the graveside, but my eldest aunt has lost all trace of her yiddishkeit and denounced it, as she is convinced she is a Christian, "born again", even though her own mother was Jewish. My dad said after the funeral Sunday, he is not speaking to my eldest aunt any more. I am having trouble falling asleep at night knowing my grandmother is alone waiting burial with no one to comfort her. I also keep thinking about her last moments and how my dad and sister and aunts were there. My sister described to me in detail how peaceful it was, but it is just so sad too to say good bye to the one you love.

Here are some memories of my grandma:

My grandma just LOVED feeding the ducks by the pond in Florida. All the time :) she even named them. She named one of them Crazy, but I am not sure how it got that nick name. I remember when she came up from Florida to visit us how we would go into the backyard and scatter bread and watch all the birds come to eat it.

I remember how she used to hang up the clothes on the line in the summer. My sister and I used to walk through it and enjoy the nice smell and the dampness against our skin of the wet clothes on the hot summer days..


I remember the funny stories she used to tell: how the street light that was flickering will change into a butterfly, how eating cold chinese food makes you grow hair on your teeth (LOL). I remember her singing little songs, like tiny bubbles in the air, and also is that all there is.

I remember her love of garage sales. I inherited that from her LOL. She used to make my dad stop at every one we passed when she visited us in NJ

I remember the warm hugs she used to give us, and how soft and gentle she was. She was always smiling. She always laughed. :) she always had these cute sayings, and also spoke fluent Yiddish. I did not know this until just now but apparently she always said the bedtime Shema with my aunt. (the younger one).

I have too many memories to put down here, but suffice it to say my grandmother's passing is a great loss to us all. She had a real spark to her, and even when her health began to decline this past year, she still was smiling and cheerful most of the time.

I wish I had the insight to know my small chat with Grandma last week would be our last. I am glad my dad handed her the phone. There is so much more I would have said had I known it would have been the last time. Never leave things unsaid with anyone. When my grandmother lay in the hospital comatose, and brain dead, my dad held the phone to her ear so I could talk with her. I know her neshama heard me, at least I like to think she heard me. I wish more than anything I could have been there in her final moments along with my family. My heart breaks that there is no one to say kaddish for her for 11 months and that my dad who is earning very little right now, can not really afford to pay someone 600 dollars for saying kaddish. My dad and aunts are so depressed right now. I really wish I could be there with them. Monday my dad is sitting shiva all alone :( one aunt refuses to acknowledge her yiddishkeit, the other is going to a Labour day party. Sigh. :( my sister already took off this week and needs to go back to work monday. I wish I could be there to support my dad. :(

We will miss you Grandma, more than anything. Always know how much we loved you, and your memory will never be forgotten.

In memory of Grandma Aug 4, 1924-Aug 26, 2008




Don't stand by my grave and weep,
For I am not there.
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond's glint in the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
In the soft blush of the morning light
I am the swift bird in flight.
Don't stand by my grave and cry,
I am not there,
I did not die.

Unknown Native American Author


God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around you
And whispered “Come with Me.”
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Laying loving hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

4 Comments:

  • At 5:02 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    God Bless
    Christine

     
  • At 5:54 PM, Blogger Yiddishkeit said…

    Thank you.

     
  • At 10:53 AM, Anonymous Molly said…

    Delurking to say how sorry I am for your loss, and how your grandmother would have appreciated your eloquent words about how much she meant to you.

    Baruch dayan ha’emet

     
  • At 11:39 AM, Blogger Yiddishkeit said…

    Thank you.

     

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