A day in the life of a mother

This blog is about a day in the life of a frum (orthodox Jewish) mother with small children.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

My Grandma

It's a quarter to six in the morning. I've been up most the night unable to sleep, and spent half of that crying off and on. Yesterday seemed like a normal day for my 84 year old, K"AH, grandma. She had her hair done, my dad fed her lunch. But then, it started becoming not normal so fast. You never wake up and say today's the last day I will be able to talk to my loved one. Today's the last day I will have with my loved one at home. You don't realize how much time you have or what you could have or should have done until that time has passed and you can no longer do or say these things. My dad fed her lunch, and shortly after lunch my grandma started to throw up. While he was cleaning her up, she had an accident on the other end, after he cleaned that up, she started shaking. My dad asked her if she was feeling alright, why was she shaking? She said she wasn't shaking, and then her eyes rolled back and she collapsed. My dad dialed 911, and the ambulance came within 5 minutes. She was not breathing so the emts shocked her heart. My grandma had a massive heart attack. She coded 3 times at the hospital and with the amount of time it took to get her heart pumped again it was 15 minutes, 15 minutes her brain was deprived of oxygen. They say anything over 5 minutes starts irreversible brain damage. The cardiologist tried to remove the blockage, but it was so solidified that it was impossible and now besides significant brain damage, she has severe heart damage as well. 84 years old. How can her body function like this now? I wonder how her doctor did not notice my grandma had 100 percent blockage in a major artery and a significant blockage in one or two others? Now she lies in Cardiac Care ICU comatose hooked up to life support. Today she is supposed to have a scan to see if there is any brain activity but it does not look good, her eyes are not responsive to light, her body not to any stimuli. The docs say the prognosis is 90 percent not in her favour, but they are not Hashem so maybe they will be wrong. I keep thinking she is just going to wake up and go home again from the hospital. It's so hard being here in Toronto and unable to be with my dad and sister in Florida. I keep thinking, what was the last conversation I had with my grandma this past week??? I don't think I said I love you or discussed anything important, i think she handed the phone back to my dad before I had the chance to say those three words. :( my grandma had severe dementia and it was not easy conversing with her as her personality had become abrupt with the dementia. So now I wait. I wait for the phone call I expect to come at any moment. I cant' sleep, maybe I had 3 hours of it. My dad tells me the doc will need my dad and my aunts to make a decision by Tuesday about the life support. My grandma had a living will. (my parents and extended family are not frum). I feel sick. I wish I could be with my sister and dad at my grandma's bed side. I never got to say good bye. How could one know its the last conversation they will have with someone? even if by some miracle my grandma wakes up, she has significant brain and heart damage.
So daven for her, please, my grandma needs it now more than ever. Being my family is not frum I am not sure of her hebrew name or her mother's name, (my great grandma died before I was born) her english name is florence, so I guess daven for florence bas sarah imeinu.

1 Comments:

  • At 4:57 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    Wow, how sad to hear the news on your grandmother. I will keep her in my prayers. We went through something simular with my father in law and it was so sad. My husband had a really rough time.

    Hang in there. Is there any way you can fly out for a few days by yourself to just see your grandma or is that just not possible?

    Even if it was for 1 night at least you could see her.

     

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