A day in the life of a mother

This blog is about a day in the life of a frum (orthodox Jewish) mother with small children.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Grief

Okay..this is my first post since my grandmother passed away. I am ready to start blogging again. It's been a very busy past few months, and somewhat stressful. My father is having a very bad time in Florida, he has no real income, no place to live. He is living with my aunt and cousin, but they are moving back to New Jersey, so my dad has to move back in with his sister (my crazy alcoholic aunt). He sent a suicide note to my friend's father and disappeared for several hours last Sunday and shut off his cell phone. A friend of mine who is a doctor felt he should voluntarily admit himself to the e.r. and then the hospital would apply for emergency medicaid for him and he could get his Paxil and Welbutrin. but he refused. I was very frustrated with him for not getting emergency help. At least he came back home. He was trying to drive back to New Jersey..but where in New Jersey I have no clue. His house is sold..I am worried sick about him. I told him he is welcome to stay with me and my family but he can't work in Canada..so that is not such a good option..but at least he would have a roof over his head and meals, and he would be with real family who cares about him, not like my aunt (his sister) who won't even let him drink the water from the fridge, and woke him up at 1 am to tell him he owes her 26 cents (she was drunk).


Besides that stress, I am very upset with #1's current school. I should have listened to his aide last year who told me off the record that I should switch programs. I made a big mistake by not investigating other classes. But this year I am NOT going to make the same mistake. I am already looking into the high functioning Asperger's class at another school. We are having another psycho-educational assessment, as the last one was 3 years ago, and the psychologist who tested him recommended having another one at this time to see the changes in his learning disability. He has one session left, and then we will get results. The psychologist said he definitely has high functioning Asperger's and ADHD. She is concerned that if I switch him to an Asperger's class, where there are 9 other kids like him, that his behaviour will worsen. She told me to ask to observe it, and make sure all the kids are behaved, and none of them act out, etc, and that the class is very structured. I am in the middle of trying to arrange this. The co-ordinator is very hard to get ahold of and NEVER returns phone calls. Sigh.

I am not happy with #1's teacher or the principal or vice principal. #1's teacher called on Yom Tov saying "I'm not religious, I know you are..so I am calling you. Hope you don't mind. You owe the library 7 dollars." He could have waited one day. This was NOT an emergency. He made a comment about us living in a "Jewish ghetto" and that us orthodox Jews usually stick together and don't mingle with outsiders" Very anti-frum. I am NOT happy. Then, the principal says #1 missing days for the Jewish holidays (she was complaining about Sukkot) was very disruptive for him. Well, its YOM TOV. I am not going to violate Yom Tov! This is the problem when you are Orthodox and have to send your kids to a secular school where many people are ignorant of Jewish holidays, and halacha. Now with candle lighting so early I need to pick up #1 after lunch time on Fridays, before recess (his educational assistant chose the time for me to pick up. I was going to pick up at 2 pm but she told me to do it after lunch as #1 will be in recess at that time I chose to pick him up) I wrote the principal a note and everything and now she is acting like she had no clue I would be picking him up early. She stands there with her arms crossed acting surprised I am picking him up now. Every time I take #1 to school, my stomach is in knots and I am anxious all day worried what's doing at his school. Starting tomorrow #1 will be bussed to school again so at least I only have to deal with junk at pick up time and on Fridays when I actually have to go into the school. It did not help that #1 announced at his speech session that "mommy hates "insert school name here". I never actually said those words but #1 inferred it from my complaints about his school to my hubby. I really hope the high functioning Asperger's class is an option for September. There is no way in HELL I am giving my consent for another year of this crap.

Another thing that REALLY annoyed me about #1's school: I walk him to school, and watch him on the playground until the teacher on yard duty comes out. I give him a bit of distance as I have 4 other kids with me, and it would be very difficult to get them off the play ground equipment, but I am near by, watching him closely. Well the teacher on duty told #1's teacher I was NOT there! I was so pissed. I called the principal and I said how can she say that when she chatted with me and my other kids??? I was very upset. Yes, I over reacted. The situation did not call for me to be so upset, but I felt like they are busting my chops. The principal told the yard duty teacher as long as I am there supervising him I don't need to be arm's length from him. #1's aide is not even arm's length at recess or lunch time for him! #1 is right though, I really do dislike his school.
I hope next year will be better, in a place that actually is right for him. And one more thing, his teacher made a comment to me about another student not being the "sharpest crayon in the box, and he mentioned the other student by name" that is very unprofessional! If i were that kids mom I would be furious!

Anyway, I am going to try to relax a bit now :) I promise I won't disappear again for months without blogging. I will try to blog later this week IY"H.

4 Comments:

  • At 8:08 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    Hip Hip! Your back! I was so excited to see that you finally posted. Glad to hear you are getting back into the swing of things.

    I feel for you that you are going through so much with your son at school. It's tough but I'm sure by trial and error you will find the solution. Hopefully it will be that other school.

    I just recently had an upsetting situation with my #1's school. We moved to a new state (Arizona) and I had him in a Charter school (public funds/private school) and found out after a couple of weeks that they were keeping my son in class during recess do catch up on work. All while his friends are playing outside. I got so upset because a child just doesn't understand that. He'll think it's punishment. I immediately pulled him out of the school and we put him in the public school near our home. They were a small school and didn't have the ability to give him the extra attention he needed. Basically if he doesn't keep up with the other kids he's doomed!

    Regarding the holidays and what the teachers said at school is extemely disturbing for me. We are practicing Apostolic Christians and we celebrate certain holidays that are not traditionally done by Christians (such as January 6 and we fast for a week before that day). We don't send our kids to school on that day as it is deeply spiritual.

    It's equally important to our Lent and Easter time. Many of the schools get upset when you explain to them why you pull out your kids on these days as they think that all these other kids attend school so why can't yours. Obviously it's because they are not "practicing" Christians.

    I've gotten critized at work because I decided to take my vacation days off on those days. It was great because 2 of my bosses had been Orthodox practicing Jews and when I brought it up to them they agreed it was non of anyones business. They understood because they were notorious for taking the Jewish holidays off.

    The need for people to make comments like that is just putting a knife in ones side. They should be able to work with those days that he missed to catch him up. How can it be disruptive if he's not there. Makes no sense to me at all.

    In fundamentalist Christian circles it's believed that you are to be different and not conform to society (many of us wear long skirts, covered arms and cover our hair when married) and I think that by us setting apart like that people can not relate. They judge us because we are not like them. Kinda makes me feel like I'm back in high school LOL!

    Stick to your guns because you have every right to observe your holidays and as a parent you are doing the right thing by teaching your children the disapline of observing the holidays. Don't let those idiots push your buttons... tell them where they can shove it. Trust me they will be in shock once you do say it.

    Also I hope all goes well with you father. I don't know how you keep your head together with all that goes on in your life.

    BTW, love the picture. Is that you on your wedding day? I wish you would post more pictures but I know it's a privacy thing. That's what makes me not want to do it.

     
  • At 10:19 PM, Blogger Yiddishkeit said…

    Thanks! :) That is my wedding day pic, my sister took it of me when I was getting ready in the bridal room. :) I try to remain anonymous on my blog so that is why I don't post pics of my kids, or most pics in general in case I want to rant about someone in Toronto :) I used to have a website with my family pics on it, but I got a few weirdos, so I got rid of it, after years of having it. it was on geocities. now I just add my pics to facebook.

     
  • At 2:43 AM, Blogger Christine said…

    I can completely understand not posting pictures. I too avoid doing that and only do it in facebook. It's creepy sometimes the people who visit blogs.

     
  • At 8:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    :)
    lEEaNN

     

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